Paid Her Dues
by svutruth
Summary: Hasn't Olivia been through enough, doesn't she deserve some happiness in her life? Set in Season 15, Elliot has left the squad but his friendship with Olivia has continued on. Starts out a bit angsty but does get better. I suck with summaries!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I wanted to do something with regards to Season 15. I don't believe Elliot ever truly walked out of Olivias life without a word. In this he has left the unit 3 years ago but he and Olivia have kept in touch and their friendship survived. So this is basically my little story incorporating most of the Season 15 eps, starting a little before Olivia gets her promotion to Sargent and the Lewis trial. **

**Please let me know what you think.**

Olivia had become very dependant on her routines. She didn't like it when she couldn't completely follow through with them.

She understands it is due to her kidnapping ordeal, she feels safer when she knows what is happening around her.

She was never like this before. Her life now revolves completely around her morning routine and if it isn't done correctly then the whole day just goes to hell. That is what has happened to her this Saturday morning.

Normally her boyfriend will wake her or if he gets called into work he will set the alarm. Neither happened because of the fight they had the night before.

All Olivia had time to do is have a quick shower and throw on some clothes and light make up before leaving the apartment in a hurry.

This had frustrated her as she liked to take her time on Saturdays. Olivia liked to be able to have a long shower, pick out her clothing, do her hair and lastly carefully apply her make up focussing on the areas around her chest and arms that had scarring. Lastly she liked to actually eat breakfast and have a cup of tea; coffee would be waiting for her at lunch.

There are two reasons for the relaxing Saturday morning routine. The first is at 10.45am she has her therapy session. She needs to feel calm when she walks into that office because Olivia knows by the end of it she will be an emotional wreck.

The second reason, she meets her best friend for lunch after the session. Olivia knows the hair; the make up the clothing is her putting on a "game face". Not many people can see through it. Her work colleagues, boyfriend, and hell she is sure even the therapist believes her on occasion when she utters those two words "I'm fine".

Her best friend, on the other hand, can see right through her. He knows what she has put herself through in the job; he stood next to her for 12 years experiencing it all with her.

Elliot is the only one who will call her on her bullshit, especially after the kidnapping. He is the only one who, when she says those two words, will tell her its crap and get her to talk.

He is the only one she has trusted to know every single detail of her ordeal at the hands of William Lewis. She knew he would just listen and wouldn't judge her on any of the actions she commited at the time.

She looked forward to these days; their friendship had come so easily after he left the squad. Olivia was worried they would lose touch, that maybe without the job he wouldn't feel the need to keep in contact, but they had.

Elliot had been there when her relationship with David Haden had begun and when it had ended. Been there when Cragen was arrested. He had also been there when Cassidy was shot and when they had spoken of her feelings for Brian, Elliot had been the one to encourage her to take a chance to be happy.

She had confided in Elliot her fears when she had heard the rumours about Brian with prostitutes and even though she knows he was pissed he had told her that no matter what he would support her.

Olivia knew that Brian and Elliot would never be best friends but the few times the three of them met up she was encouraged that they both would make an effort to get along.

Elliot was also the first person to notice something was wrong when she didn't answer her phone after she was sent home during the Lewis investigation.

He had been out of town visiting Kathleen but they had spoken on the phone. She had told him that Lewis unnerved her; she knew he was getting under her skin but said she just kept pushing it.

Olivia remembers the laugh he gave her when she told him that she thinks she is turning into Stabler at work; she has been told that she must have inherited his aggression.

They talked for a while longer before she had headed to the grocery store. The last thing he had said to her was to be careful; he hated being so far away when this shit was going down. She remembers that he told her to call him when she is home, so he knows she is safe.

Olivia never did call him again though. Lewis had ambushed her as she walked through the front door. The next few hours she was in her own personal hell. Olivia could hear her cell phone ringing, she knew it was Elliot. He had even left messages on her home answering machine.

It was Elliot who called Cragen to say he was worried. She found out a lot later how pissed off he had been when Cragen said she was just probably just laying low.

Olivia is snapped out of her thoughts by her phone ringing. She walks out of the apartment building and looks at the called ID, Brian. She presses Decline and sets off for her appointment.

She has struggled with the therapy sessions. She had always had trouble talking about her emotions. She has recounted her experience with Lewis over and over with robot like precision, glossing over the parts that are too difficult to discuss. Her therapist wants to discuss it more because the trial is rapidly approaching and Lewis has indicated he will represent himself.

She has told Lindstrom the thought of facing him on the stand scares the shit out of her, but she has spent so many years convincing rape victims to face their attacker in court she feels like a hypocrite for being scared.

She doesn't want to talk about any of that today though. She really just wants to get in and out so she can meet El for lunch. After her argument with Brian last night she needs her best friend.

Olivia walks into the waiting room a few minutes late. The receptionist tells her to take a seat as he wouldn't be long.

This fucking argument had her wound up so tight. She knows the second that she walks in that room Lindstrom will be able to tell she is rattled. At least it gives her something to talk about today, she tells herself.

She looks up as he opens the door to the office and motions her inside. Once in there Dr Lindstrom immediately notices she is off kilter. He knows her need for routine, they had discussed it at length, by the looks of it today had not gone to plan.

Olivia sits down on the chair opposite the window, she just wants to stare at the city outside, forget where she is and why.

Dr Lindstrom takes his seat and waits quietly, knowing she has to be the one to instigate the conversation.

"Brian and I had a fight last night" She says quietly, "He didn't come home and I didn't set an alarm so today isn't going well."

Lindstrom sits silently waiting for her to continue.

"We were in bed, he kissed me. I enjoyed it at first. We have only been intimate a handful of times since the kidnapping. We hardly touch each other. It's as if he is scared I will break" She pauses, realising how silly that last sentence sounds after what had happened next.

"Brian moved his hand under my t shirt and I just froze. My whole body tensed up. Sometimes it happens, other times it doesn't. He didn't realise it had happened though and he kept going. He tried to undo my bra and I freaked out."

Olivia gets up and begins to pace the room.

"He shouted at me, said why I let him start something if I didn't intend to let him finish?" She is now standing in front of the window. Her arms are around her waist, hugging herself.

"The thing is I want to have sex. I want to be touched, feel loved but more often than not I end up right back at that beach house. The times we have had sex I feel like I'm just going through the motions." Silent rears fall down her cheeks now.

Dr Lindstrom has read the official reports; Olivia had categorically denied being raped. She had said in their previous sessions that he hadn't. She told him Lewis had touched her, told her he was going to rape her multiple times but she had been freed before he could.

That's the official report and it is the version she always sticks to. He decides to broach the subject again.

"Olivia," he says quietly, "Did William Lewis rape you?"

She continues to stare out of the window.

Her voice is barely above a whisper when she confesses to him "I really don't know. The whole time I was conscious he didn't, always threatened, never followed through. When I was unconscious I don't know. My whole body hurt from the burns and the beatings that I just don't know."

Her cries become louder. She lets the tears flow for a few more minutes. Olivia turns from the window and makes her way back to the chair.

"Does Brian know this?" Lindstrom asks

Olivia shakes her head to signal that he doesn't. She can't quite trust her voice right now.

"Elliot knows though, doesn't he?" Lindstrom knows a bit about her relationship with Elliot. He is the one who knows her deepest secrets, this included. It wasn't a question, more making a statement.

"Yes," Olivia whispers. She clears her throat and continues. "Yes, Elliot knows. He knows everything that happened."

"Olivia, why does Elliot know all of this when you can't tell your boyfriend anything other than the official version of events?" Lindstrom doesn't want to sound harsh, but from the look on her face that's how it has come across.

Her eyes shoot daggers at him; he knows that he has struck a nerve with her however unintentional.

"Elliot knows all of this because he has dealt with this shit for 12 years. If I told him the sanitised version of events he would know I was lying. Then he wouldn't stop hounding me until I told him what really happened so this was easier." She is tired, pissed off and now hungry. She glances at the clock, not much longer to go.

"Did it help talking to him?"

"Yeah it always does. Brian could hardly look at me for weeks after. Even now he will see a scar and I swear I can see pity, even revulsion in his eyes. Elliot doesn't judge me." She smiles slightly, taking a pause.

"Elliot knows everything about me and is still around. He is my best friend but he is also the person I turn to when things get tough."

They both look at the clock and realise their time is over. She sighs; they had ended up talking about her relationship with Elliot and not the issue she had walked in with.

She walks out of the office and says goodbye to both the doctor and receptionist. She doesn't need to make another appointment; they all know she will be back same time next week.

She leaves the building, stepping out onto the now busy sidewalk. Olivia begins her walk to the diner, to meet Elliot.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you for the lovely reviews and adding this to your follow/favourites. It means the world to me. **

They always meet at the same place and he always has her favourite coffee waiting for her.

This is something that he has done since the attack. Prior to this they would just pick a place to eat or get take out but now it is always the same place. He respects her need for the same routine.

The walk helps to clear Olivia's head so she looks slightly less emotional and frazzled than when she left the apartment earlier that morning.

She stops before she opens the door of the diner. Olivia realises that when she talks or even thinks about where she is now living she always refers to it as THE apartment. Not THEIRS or even HERS always THE.

She sighs sadly, realising how much she actually does miss her old apartment. She couldn't move back in though, her space had been violated. It had been her sanctuary and Lewis had taken it away.

It had been pure coincidence that Brian's lease was up on his old place. He had convinced her to buy an apartment with him, to have a fresh start. Truth is, she hadn't wanted to take that step with him at the time, but she just didn't want to be alone.

Except, she was alone. Brian was taking on more work, including undercover assignments, all to impress Tucker she presumes. More often than not she is alone at night and that's when she needs him. On those nights she and Elliot talk on the phone or hang out.

She thinks about plastering on a fake smile as she walks into the diner, but decides against it. Elliot would see through it straight away, so why bother.

She walks to their table and slides into her side of the booth. It is the table at the back, tucked out of sight of most patrons. Elliot had picked the spot knowing she would feel safer away from prying eyes.

He understands that no amount of make up and concealer can take away the feeling that people are watching her. While she was missing the NYPD had made a public appeal so her face had been plastered all over the news. When she was found the news cameras had managed to get pictures of her entering the hospital, her blood spattered face had been the headlines for the next few days.

Elliot looks up at her and smiles. Olivia uses the coffee in front of her as an excuse not to look over at him straight away. He knows instantly that something is wrong.

"Liv," He resists the urge to take her hand, "Liv, what's wrong?"

She bites her bottom lip, she is internally debating herself whether or not to tell him about the argument. She knows he wouldn't want to hear about her sex life, or lack of, but her session this morning had not helped at all.

She takes a long sip from her coffee cup, thankful for it. She opens her mouth and everything just tumbles out. Everything, the slamming doors, the shouting, and words she and Brian had flung at each other. It all just came flying out.

To his credit Elliot kept very calm. He knows that Brian doesn't know the full story about the kidnapping but it still doesn't excuse his behaviour.

Olivia had been made to watch a man die, another woman being raped with the threat of being next. She was force fed alcohol and pills and sexually assaulted more than once.

All that was on public record, Brian knows all of this and he still had the nerve to verbally attack Olivia for pulling away from sex. This was not going to end well, he thinks.

Olivia finishes talking and looks at Elliot's face as he processes everything. The waitress chose that moment to come and take their orders. Elliot recites what they want, the girl is new and doesn't realise they have the same order week in week out. She smiles and walks away.

"So, he left and didn't come home at all?" Elliot asks her, trying to keep his voice quiet and even.

"He did come home; I pretended to be asleep though. I heard him grab his backpack; open the drawers, so my guess is he got a change of clothes. He didn't say anything to me and just left." She replies.

Realising she hasn't checked her phone once since she rejected Brian's call while leaving the apartment, she pulls it out and looks at the screen.

"Anything?" Elliot asks, realising what she is doing.

"He has called a couple of times." She sounds a little distracted as she reads a text message Brian sent.

"He said he is on a job, won't be home till the evening. He tells us to enjoy lunch." She rolls he eyes at this, then reads the rest. "He also said why doing I get you to take me to a movie and he will organise dinner for us all later." She looks at Elliot, slightly confused.

"What the fuck is he playing at? Is this his way of apologising for last night?" Olivia genuinely doesn't know.

The food arrives, giving them a respite for a few minutes. Olivia asks Elliot about the kids.

They settle back into normal conversation. Olivia quickly sends a brief text to Brian saying Ok and puts her phone back in her pocket.

They talk about Maureen's upcoming wedding. Elliot misses his eldest daughter. She is now a Defence Attorney in Boston. She was engaged to a detective there and getting married in six months time.

She knew Elliot hated being so far away from her, but he was proud of everything that she had achieved.

She and Elliot had gone together to Boston for Maureen's engagement party a few months ago. Brian had been invited but opted to stay home. It was just after Munch's retirement party. Brian probably didn't fancy a six hour car ride with Elliot.

In the end she had a fantastic time. Olivia loved Elliot's family and was fiercely protective of his kids.

They had laughed so much that weekend, it is one of the treasured memories that she goes to on the bad days.

"Do you think Brian will come to the wedding?" Elliot asks her, knowing she is miles away.

"Hmm, honestly, I haven't asked him. He has been busy with work so it hasn't come up." She answers.

It is true, but not because of work. She actually doesn't plan on asking him. She can tell that Elliot already knows this but he will still ask the question anyway.

"You gonna ask?" He enquires, smiling slightly.

She steals a couple of fries from his plate to delay the inevitable. He shoots her a look; she just smiles and pops them in her mouth. He waits till she has finished and just raises his eyebrow.

"No I'm not" She huffs. "I would rather just go on my own. He will just keep checking his watch, and keep asking when can we leave. Remember the retirement party for Munch? He was ready to go five minutes after we walked in and he knew most of those people. I just want to enjoy myself at Maureen's wedding."

Elliot looks at her and seems to accept her answer. He smiles and tells her,

"You aren't going alone. You will be with the father of the bride." He then shoots her a patented Stabler grin. She returns his smile.

They continue their lunch, chat more about the kids, his job, any little trivial things they both know will keep her mind off Lewis and the trial.

Elliot watches her as they talk. He hates that their personalities seem to have swapped since he left the job. Elliot is more relaxed and happy in his life and Olivia….she looks exhausted all the time. Her eyes don't seem to shine with the same intensity they once did. She has been through way too much in her life; she deserves to just be happy.

They get ready to leave, putting enough money on the table to cover their meals and a tip. Elliot goes and holds the door open for Olivia and they step out onto the sidewalk.

Olivia remembers Brian's text about a movie, she isn't really feeling up to it but she decides to ask Elliot any way.

As if he can read her mind, he turns to her and says, "Instead of a movie, how about we grab some popcorn, crappy junk food and just head back to your place and watch a DVD?"

She smiles and just nods her head. That is exactly what she wants to do. They turn and start to walk towards the store before heading back to the apartment.

That's probably the only good thing about the place, she thinks, everything she likes is pretty much in walking distance.

Elliot holds the bags as they walk up the corridor to the apartment. Olivia fishes out the key from her back pocket, realising she still hasn't put it on the ring with her car keys. It either gets thrown in her bag or her pocket, alone & separate.

She slips the key in and unlocks the door. She opens it up and they both step inside. She throws the key into the bowl on the side table that rests in the corridor next to the door. Going into the kitchen, Elliot sits the bags on the counter.

There is a dull thud and a slight groan, they have both heard it. Elliot pulls his gun; he still carries one due to his current occupation. He motions for Olivia to stand behind him. He knows she would have left her gun in the apartment that morning.

They hear a groan again, definitely male. Elliot looks at Olivia standing behind him, her eyes are open wide. She nods and mouths one word to Elliot, "Brian."

Olivia is worried, she hasn't checked her phone, maybe someone has been trying to call her. The phone is still on silent, due to the therapy session, she didn't change it when she went to lunch. All she can think is, what if Lewis has escaped, what if he is here?

They move closer to the source of the noise, the bedroom. The door has been pushed to, not fully closed. When they are both directly opposite the door they hear a sigh, this time it's not Brian, it's not even male. Then a female voice says, "Are you ready for me, baby?"

Elliot is still standing in front of Olivia but he can feel her whole body tense up even though they aren't touching.

He hopes to God that they heard wrong. That the voice has come from the radio, a television somewhere or even a neighbour shouting through the wall. Anything to spare Olivia from what they both think is happening behind the bedroom door.

Elliot turns to her and he can see the shock in her face, her eyes filling with tears. He whispers to her, "Are you ready?"

She just nods back at him. So gun drawn, Elliot throws open the bedroom door and storms through. Olivia is right on his heels.

The sight in front of them sickens both Elliot and Olivia down to their stomachs. Olivia stands with her hand covering her mouth at the sight of Brian and a very young looking blonde thing completely naked in her bed.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I apologise for the length of time it has taken me to get this chapter up. Again lack of motivation and stresses of returning to work in a few weeks have gotten to me a little bit. Anyway, thanks for reading. Let me know how I am going with this, reviews are always greatly appreciated.**

Everything is silent. Both Elliot and Olivia are standing in the doorway of the bedroom. The sight before them has left Olivia frozen.

There is a girl laying spread eagled, completely naked on the bed. She looks young; Olivia hopes like hell she is legal. Brian is standing between her legs, naked from the waist down. The girl suddenly springs into action; she sits up and tries to pull a sheet over her naked body. It seems more out of instinct than protecting her modesty. Brian stands there, still shocked.

Elliot tries to pull Olivia fully behind him to try and spare her from the view but she has already seen everything. He is still holding his gun out in front aiming at Brian and the girl.

"What the fuck?" That's all Elliot can say before he realises that Olivia has turned around and is barrelling down the corridor towards the front door.

Everyone seems to jolt back to reality. Elliot follows Olivia, while Brian and the mystery woman begin the hunt for their clothing.

Olivia is almost at the front door when Elliot catches up with her. He reaches out and grabs her arm to get her to slow down. He swings her around and pulls her into him and just holds her.

Olivia grips his arms and sobs. Elliot strokes her hair; he keeps a strong hold on her as he feels her knees give way slightly.

Elliot manoeuvres them into the kitchen trying to get Olivia to the couch. She pulls her head up and looks at him, she is horrified. Elliot doesn't let go, he wraps his arms around her tighter.

At that moment Brian and the young girl walk into the kitchen. He stops for a second, trying to catch Olivia's eye, but Elliot turns her away so she doesn't have to see him.

The girl continues to walk towards the front door of the apartment. She turns back and looks at Brian before announcing, "You still have to pay for the whole hour even though we were interrupted." She has a very smug look on her face.

Brian is about to say something but thinks better of it. He walks towards the girl, trying to discreetly grab his wallet from the kitchen counter on his way through.

Olivia feels as if all the air in her lungs has escaped and she cannot breathe, she feels like she is drowning. Elliot finally gets her to sit on the couch; he then takes his place next to her and starts to rub her back in soothing circles.

"Come on Liv, you need to breathe," He whispers to her. "Take a deep breath in sweetheart, please."

Olivia is gasping for air. The reality of the situation is starting to kick in. Brian was about to have sex with a prostitute in their bed and,

"Oh God, El. He didn't have a condom on. Fuck, he was going to have sex with her and he wasn't using protection." She sobs. Olivia is terrified now, how many times has this happened she wonders.

"Olivia?" Both she and Elliot look up to where the voice had come from. Brian is standing in front of them.

Olivia feels Elliot tense up immediately. The hand that had been rubbing her back stops, and is now bunched into a fist.

"Olivia, please let me explain." Brian whispers, he has knelt down in front of her now.

"Get the fuck away from her Cassidy" Elliot's voice is raised and every word is clearly pronounced, giving Brian a clear warning. Elliot is just itching for Brian to do or say anything to Olivia so he can pounce and beat the living shit out of Cassidy.

Brian looks at Olivia, her head is still down. She refuses to make eye contact with him; she just can't look at him. After he had berated her last night about their lack of a sex life, he has committed the ultimate act of betrayal and she never wants to look into his eyes again.

Elliot stands up; it's a warning for Brian which surprisingly he picks up on almost immediately.

"I'm just gonna go and grab some clothes. I will stay at the court house tonight." Brian tells Olivia.

As he walks towards the bedroom he adds, "We can talk tomorrow, when your bodyguard is gone."

Immediately Elliot closes the space between himself and Brian. He wraps his hand around Brian's throat and throws him against the nearest wall. He pulls his other arm back, ready to take a swing when he feels Olivia's hand gently holding his forearm.

"El, don't. He isn't worth it. If you hit him, he will go crying to Tucker wanting him to get onto your boss. Just let him go, you're better than that." Olivia calmly tells him.

Elliot lets Brian go, he then puts his hand on the small of Olivia's back and guides them both back to the couch, and she sits down.

"El, can you just go and watch him? Make sure he takes clothes and nothing else." It's an after thought on her part, not that she owns anything particularly sentimental but pretty much everything in the apartment she has purchased.

Elliot goes and stands in the bedroom doorway, he quietly watches Brian pack a duffle bag with clothing. He then goes to the en-suite bathroom, presumably to get toiletries Elliot thinks. When Brian steps into the bedroom once more he looks at Elliot.

"You must be loving this, Stabler." He spits as he zips up the bag.

Elliot glares at him. He knows that he has to control the urge to smash Brian to a pulp for Olivia's sake if nothing else.

"Yeah, Cassidy, I'm loving this." He replies, his voice laced with sarcasm. "I'm loving the fact that my best friend is heartbroken, that she is sitting on the couch trying hard not to cry again. I'm loving the fact that you couldn't keep your dick in your pants, but especially loving that you had to fucking pay for it." What the fuck, Brian?"

Brian now stands in the doorway; Elliot doesn't make a move though. He isn't fully blocking the exit but it is enough that Brian would have to manoeuvre himself sideways to leave the room. Elliot most definitely isn't going to budge.

They glare at each other. In the end Brian breaks eye contact, earning him a satisfied smirk from Elliot. Brian brushes past Elliot and exits the bedroom through the small space Elliot allows.

He walks back towards the living room where Olivia is still sitting, she hasn't moved. Elliot follows closely behind.

Brian again goes to the couch and kneels down in front of Olivia. He tries to take her hand, but she pulls away quickly, like someone pulling away from the heat of a naked flame.

Elliot stands to the side of the couch, ready to move if needed. Brian is about to speak when Olivia beats him to it.

"Just go, Brian. Get out. I don't want to talk to you; I don't even want to look at you. Just leave." She whispers.

Brian thinks better of replying. He stands, picks up his bag and walks to the door. He takes one more look back, Olivia is hunched over, her head still down. He then watches Elliot move to the couch and sit down beside her.

Brian sighs as he opens the front door. The last thing he sees as he walks out is Olivia collapse into Elliot's arms. He goes to close the door behind him, as he leaves he hears Olivia break down, sobbing uncontrollably in her best friends arms.


End file.
